Respect for the child, the adult and the situation are all interconnected. Life is full of responsibilities that we do not always want or like to do; washing dishes, doing laundry, taking out the garbage, the list goes on. These responsibilities are also not always fun to accomplish. They do not make us feel happy. Yet, they need to be done!
As a teacher and mother, I do my best to do the right thing and want my children to be happy. Happiness is something we create in our minds and if you search for it…it can sometimes be hard to find. Being happy all the time is not realistic, and it can be exhausting to try and make everyone around you happy all the time.
After many years, I came to realize that building up long term skills to develop character outweighed my concern over possibly making a child feel momentarily unhappy. By being firm, fair and consistent, I began to teach children skills that would encourage healthy emotional growth - respect, cooperation, conflict resolution and patience. Through positive attention from adults and their peers, my students started to find their own sense of belonging, gain a feeling of importance and develop confidence.
Isn’t it more about making the best of what you have and being resilient through the challenges that life presents? By trying to protect our children and students from their big emotions, we take away opportunities to develop resiliency – an essential character trait that each of us need to make it though all of life’s ups and downs.
In Montessori classrooms, we as guides spend a significant amount of our time setting up our classroom environments to enable children to self construct in positive ways. There is careful preparation and thought that goes into the environment in order to meet the developmental needs of all the children in our classrooms. We also prepare ourselves, as parents and as guides, to role model what we are teaching and to know who we are as adults. This, in turn, prepares our children for success in life and for a life that is realistic. Life is inevitably going to present obstacles, but if we keep going and persevere, with the skills we’ve learned and built in ‘emotional toolboxes’, we will overcome these obstacles - we will make it through!
To persevere, we need to acknowledge that this process is grounded in respect, understanding and empathy. Creating realistic limits and developing important social and life skills are essential. As adults, we need to model clear messages with firmness and kindness, so children can learn to do the same with one another.
This approach of positive discipline to parenting and teaching, fits well in Montessori environments. Some key concepts with Positive Discipline Philosophy is to be kind and firm, creating a sense of belonging and significance, developing tools that work long term, and teaching valuable life skills such as; social skills, communication skills, listening skills, self regulation skills and problem solving skills. Through this approach, children develop a sense of their own capacity.
Montessori guides use many of these positive discipline techniques by redirecting students, providing positive reinforcement, and using single word reminders. We use tools of responsibility and time spent sitting closer to the guide until children can self regulate and have the work ethic to be further away and more independent. Consistency and routine are key to success and rules are clear and expectations are well understood by everyone. Montessori guides support students, within the structure of the classroom expectations and boundaries, to come up with their own solutions to issues that arise in the classroom community.
Teaching skills for life is not about fixing the immediate issue or controlling their behaviour. It’s about making mistakes, learning to give clear messages and outlining what our expectations are with one another to foster the foundation of emotional strength for our students.